When I first saw him, I would never have guessed that we would become the best friends that we eventually did. I was sitting on the bus getting ready to head off to my new school where I was selected for specialized diving training. All the other boys on the bus had also been selected for a variety of sports, but everyone else seemed to be talking of everything but diving. Nevertheless, I was excited as I loved diving and had been told I had great potential. I had been waiting my whole life for this moment and I was finally ready to train in the sport I loved. A small boy came on and sat next to me, head bowed, trembling slightly. I greeted him, “Name’s Peng Hai, hai as in the great big ocean, but you're younger than me, so you can call me big brother Hai.”
Something in me told me that he needed someone to protect him, to be his companion and guardian in a way. I felt drawn to him instantly and although his eyes were still red from the tears he must have shed from leaving his family, I could tell he had a kind heart. I told him a little about my family so that he could feel more comfortable around me and the rest of the ride was mostly in silence but there was a comfort between us that I believe we both felt. As the bus ride continued Taoyu began to ask a few questions regarding his sport and I learned he also was going to dive. I was so excited I jumped out of my seat to announce it to the bus. I felt like fate had brought us together at that moment and we were truly brothers for life.
We began our training along with school and days were long and tedious. One of the things that got me through diving was Taoyu. I was grateful for our closeness and I felt protective of Taoyu. I was thrilled when our training and practice times became the same, as our coaches paired us together for synchronized diving and we quickly realized we were the perfect pair. The closer we got, the more I felt as though nothing could tear us apart and we were inseparable. Although I loved spending time with Taoyu, I was getting older, and thoughts of girls and relationships quickly plagued my mind. I began to see this girl who I met on campus, and I would sneak out of our dorm to meet her in her room. Sneaking out like that was a wonderful distraction from the pressure and expectations placed on me at diving. To me, Taoyu was my safety during diving, and this girl was who I was able to have fun with afterward. But I noticed that Taoyu hadn’t taken on the same practices as I had and had begun to act more reclusive. He seemed more nervous around me and less willing to talk about girls. Our dynamic which had been so strong and impossible to break seemed different. I didn’t understand why Taoyu had begun to change in small ways. I spent countless days pondering because I didn’t want this, I wanted Taoyu and me to be good. I came to the conclusion that he was jealous that I had been seeing girls and had been sneaking out at night to be with her. So, to make Taoyu feel included I asked the girl I was seeing to bring her friend and I brought Taoyu along as well. That night, I felt secure again, knowing Taoyu felt included and I was able to have us share these experiences side by side. For the first time, I felt like every piece of my life and all of my relationships with people were in the perfect place. Even later, when he kissed me, I brushed it off as some strange reaction to grieving his mother. I was so confused when he asked what “we were” and I responded “You’re my best friend!” desperately confused as to what he was trying to get at. He seemed hurt, but I was just lost because what else did he want me to say? Call him a brother again?
Strangely, Taoyu later dropped out of the Olympics that we qualified for and I never saw him again. To this day, I ponder what could have happened or if I had done something wrong myself. The only way for me to move past my best friend abandoning me was to try and move forward with my life as much and as quickly as possible, but a small part of me never forgot the little boy on the bus who gave me the comfort of the brother I never had.
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